Tips for Living with an Alcoholic

Living with someone who has an alcohol addiction can feel like carrying a weight that wasn’t made for you. Each day brings you a different version of the person you love, at times warm and familiar, other times distant and cold.

But why should their addiction come at the cost of your own peace?

Don’t doubt that you can look after yourself while living with an alcoholic. We’re giving you practical tips to protect your well-being, while you support them in taking steps towards recovery.

What is it like to live with an alcoholic?

Life with someone struggling with alcohol addiction may never feel stable. In years past, living with them felt safe, as though you knew you could rely on them. Now they’re struggling to manage responsibilities that are meant to be shared, and the burden continues to grow.

You’ve seen alcohol slowly take priority in their life, so naturally, you feel as though you’ve been cast to the wayside. It is normal to feel isolated or guilty in such a strained home environment. You may even feel resentment towards their situation, but it’s vital to remember one thing: their addiction is not your fault.

A person with an alcohol use disorder (AUD) has a recognised medical condition, and recovery relies on their willingness to seek and accept help, not on your ability to fix it alone.

5 tips for coping day-to-day with an alcoholic

Living day-to-day with an alcoholic will be draining for your emotions and mental health. You know that helping them demands both compassion and resilience, but you are finding that you’re trying to pour from an empty cup.

If you feel drained and unsure of the next step, try to follow these steps for stability and peace of mind:

1. Setting clear and realistic boundaries

Our first step is the most important; make sure you have boundaries in place for your own well-being. Boundaries can help define what is acceptable at home and what is not. Without boundaries, there may be no end to the damage your loved one is inflicting on your life.

Start by naming the behaviours you can no longer tolerate. These will be unique to your home, but might include:

• Drinking inside the home
• Verbal or physical aggression
• Neglecting your shared responsibilities
• Not bailing them out of missed work or other troubles
• Not allowing them to use the car when drunk

2. Develop your independence from them

If a loved one has grown dependent on alcohol, you may need to start doing more things for yourself. If you aren’t careful, you’ll lose sight of where their life ends and yours begins, with their addiction shaping your routines, your emotions and even your identity.

Developing independence means creating space between their choices and the consequences on your own life. Try not to measure your day by how they behave or whether they drink. Focus on what you can control. Taking steps towards your own independence is not coldness or neglect; it is a way to protect yourself from the chaos.

3. Be kind to yourself

Leading on from developing your independent life, it can become essential to give yourself reprieve through acts of self-kindness. So often we see, when living with an alcoholic, a partner’s compassion flows outward and never inward.

Do not place blame on yourself, even if they start to try to place blame on you. Prioritise your own basic needs like sleep, nutrition and emotional downtime. Give yourself a day dedicated to healthy activities you enjoy. You may even be modelling the balance and self-respect your loved one needs for their own recovery.

4. Recognise alcoholism as a disease or sickness

Alcoholism has been understood for many years as a chronic, progressive and sometimes fatal disease. It may help you to see your loved one as a sufferer of such a disease or sickness. That does not mean letting them get away with intolerable behaviours, but it may help you take their actions less personally.

Too many spouses and family members see themselves as a source or driver of a person’s alcoholism. Recognising addiction as an illness can also help free you from the fruitless task of fixing it alone. It supports the idea that recovery is a shared process, where medical care and structured support become invaluable assets.

5. Accept that you may need outside support

Life with an alcoholic can make it easy for you to fall into a mental trap, thinking that loyalty means enduring whatever comes your way. Yet when we see alcoholism through the medical lens, we can see how we might not be equipped to remove addiction single-handedly.

Outside support can come in many forms. You may benefit from joining a group like Alcoholics Anonymous or SMART Recovery to hear stories of others in the same position.

Can I avoid enabling their alcoholism?

When someone we love is trapped in addiction, it is almost instinctual to try to protect and fix them. We might cover for their absences or take on the responsibilities they’ve neglected, all in an attempt to stop them from falling further.

Given enough time, this crosses into enabling their behaviours, which, left unchecked, can entrench the addiction even further. It might be painful to admit, but try to answer some of these questions to recognise whether you’re enabling their addiction:

• Do I give them money, knowing it might go towards more alcohol?
• Do I sometimes make excuses for their drinking or hide the truth from others?
• Do I take on their responsibilities because they can’t manage them?
• Have I ever drunk with them in an attempt to keep their intake under control?
• Do I feel guilty when I try to set boundaries?

Answering yes to these questions means it may be time to step towards professional outside support, before the situation worsens.

How can I get them the help they need?

To support someone with alcoholism, you need to act with empathy, but you also need to be realistic. You might not be able to force them into change, but you can guide them towards help. Here are some steps to follow:

• Choose your time and place: Talk when they’re sober and calm, avoiding arguing during or after drinking.
• Try to avoid accusatory tones: Use phrases like “I’m worried about you” rather than “You need to stop.”
• Have options ready: Research local alcohol services or support groups beforehand.
• Stay consistent: If they deny the problem, keep note and calmly revisit it later.
• Look towards professional guidance: Interventions or family therapy can help you both navigate the conversation safely.

Remember, you are there to open the door to help, not drag them through it. Recovery is a decision they need to make on their own; you can be by their side.

I need help with alcoholism in my life

If alcoholism is affecting your life, please remember that you don’t have to face it alone. Help is closer than it may feel.

At Banbury Lodge, we specialise in rehab programmes for those battling alcohol addiction. Our experienced team can guide you through detox, therapy and aftercare, so an individual and their family can heal as a unified group.

Contact us today to take the most important first step. It may be the move that enables the complete recovery you or a loved one deserves.